The biggest story on General Hospital continues to be Evil Luke, or EviLuke as I now dub him. Sorry, folks, but I’m not calling him Fluke. I have soap-fan PTSD from that time Luke and Felicia slept together while working on Lila’s memoirs, and Fluke is a term I need never hear again to preserve my sanity. We don’t want to return to those dark days, not even in portmanteaus.
EviLuke’s dirty hands are in everyone’s plots right now, and he’s waiting patiently to use his squeeze grip. It was a relief to have it finally confirmed that he really isn’t Luke, though I weary of those handy-dandy face masks Faison invented.
Old Cesar ought to have trademarked the idea while he could—I bet Liesl tried to talk him into it. They could have made billions! It’s also a relief to know that Tony Geary can still act. His performance as EviLuke grandstanding in front of the heavily drugged real Luke in one of Port Charles’ multiple nuthouses was exceptional. That’s notable because I was supposed to be impressed by Luke’s alcohol intervention a few years back and his heavenly version of “My Way” when he nearly died of a heart attack, but both of those dramatic moments left me unmoved. They were too hammy, too full of Luke’s umbrage and ego that I’ve come to loathe in the last decade. But on Friday, I recognized the Luke I used to love for brief moments. His horror and anger at how his loved ones were being hurt and used came through in his eyes and his struggle to throw threats EviLuke’s way.
Or throw spit. That too. That loogie was disgusting. My apologies for making you look at it again. Seeing the great Luke Spencer in that miserable condition stirs my cold soap-fan heart, but I also want to know just how far EviLuke will go. The creepiest part of him is his overt, vulgar leering at any and every female in sight. Were any of our past villains such blatant misogynists? I don’t remember Frank or Damian Smith, the obvious choices for undead bad guys related to Luke, acting in that manner, though Damian gambling with Lucy over Bobbie’s virtue might qualify. Frank Smith is about as far back as an enemy goes for Luke, even farther than the Cassadines. And the last time he was important was during that fantastic Puerto Rico arc, which culminated in Luke accidentally shooting Sean Donely. Revisit that sort of show-defining history? I’m all in. Does anyone have other ideas of who EviLuke might be?
The only part of this storyline that drives me crazy is Tracy falling for EviLuke’s lies hook, line, and sinker. I’m so tired of Tracy being made to look pathetic—she was never a patsy until getting mixed up with Luke. I understand willful ignorance, but c’mon, she walked in on Luke with a gun drawn on Ned!
And she keeps noting that something is off about him, but she’s way too willing to accept whatever explanation pops up, like Lulu’s explanation that her dad was planning a honeymoon. In the face of Tracy’s own observations and the loud clamoring of Ned, Michael, and Kiki, I don’t know how she keeps taking his side. It makes me sad.
Though to be honest, I’m not sure if I know whether Kiki’s a trustworthy character, either. We’ve spent a year with her, and all I know is that she and Michael “are in love, dammit!”, she was a lot snarkier and interesting before falling into said love, and she has the same problem of trusting raging psychos that so many women on this show share.
Et tu, Kiki? We’re all supposed to be united against the reprehensibility of Franco, girlfriend. It what makes giving Carly all the side-eye in the world for dating him so fun! He’s even lost his ability as an artist, so I have nothing—nothing—to root for in that character.
Alexis putting her faith in Julian also disappoints me. She’s let herself be with bad men before, but this is the first time she’s deluding herself into believing that the man would leave the business for her and their family. Yes, he tried, but now he’s lying through his teeth, and I hate to see Alexis want to be with him so much that she won’t let herself see it. Look, I love the visual of Alexis and Julian—
–I love the idea that Julian only joined the mob when he thought he had nothing left to lose, but I don’t love women falling for the lies men tell. However, I’m looking forward to the epic fight between Alexis and Julian when the truth comes out. She’ll eviscerate him. Implicating Ric was well played. Who wouldn’t believe Ric had a vendetta against Sonny?
You might think I’d group Liz in with the other women putting their faith in despicable men, especially after she did the same for AJ last year, but that’s not her story. Because she actually has chosen the right men these past two times; she just doesn’t know it yet. Instead, Liz’s story is about her willingness to put her heart on the market again after it’s been stomped so many times, and then believing it was foolish of herself to do so. I’d hate to think her vulnerability, which I consider one of her best qualities, will suffer now. It was crushing to see Liz fall for Ric again all in one night, to let herself take the leap of faith that he’s now the man she’d thought he was when she was aching from break-ups with Lucky and Jason. I want her to learn she was right about that rather than punish herself for being wrong.
Prescription for Better Soap: We need some hints about EviLuke’s identity soon to keep my interest level as high as it is. I’d also like fewer women having the wool pulled over their eyes by men and more women just plain kicking ass—more on that latter part and the awesome reveal about Jordan in my next column. And some character development for Kiki would be helpful. I’m not a fan of characters that are such blank canvasses, and there’s no reason she should be still. Her whole family lives in town!
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