This column originally had a heartfelt introduction about how traumatic the Baby Connie custody battle has been. That heartfelt introduction still exists; it’s just coming later in the column because I watched Monday’s episode of General Hospital and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard at this show as I did when Juan Santiago showed up with a dress for his cousin Sabrina.
Oh my word, fellow fans, that was hilarious. Not only because no one has ever clamored for Juan Santiago to return to the show. Not only because they went for the obvious meta-referencing of Becky Herbst and Michael Saucedo’s marriage. Not only because Sabrina, of course, has to be tied to the Rivera family somehow. No, the reason was because Sabrina referenced wanting her mother’s dress, Felix got Liz on the job, and Juan flew from his tour stop in San Diego to Puerto Rico to search around and find it and then flew to Port Charles to make the delivery ALL IN THE SAME MORNING. That is potentially the most ridiculous story General Hospital has ever tried to sell me. Even more so than the notion that Sabrina and Patrick were a true romance.
Yes, I’m already using past tense for that relationship. The last episode, in addition to making my face hurt with laughter, spelled out loud and clear that their love story is a fairy tale, and it’s not one with a happy ending. Ava made Patrick wonder about Robin again, just enough for him to redouble his efforts to convince himself he’s committed to this rebound marriage, and Sabrina actually called Patrick her Prince Charming. Combine that with last week’s wedding dress fashion show, the second time we’ve had a twirling Sabrina acting like a pretty, pretty princess during a modeling sequence, and I think the writers’ intent is coming through loud and clear.
Only missing the woodland creatures.
Sabrina and Patrick are not a reality. It’s a fantasy, and it is going to crash down around that poor woman soon. I do hope she gets a good guy in the end as a consolation prize for Patrick, and I’m perfectly happy with Carlos as that prize.
Yes, he’s a mobster. But he’s darn hot, and I think he’s hiding a softer, squishier side than we’ve been privy to thus far. I thought at first he was trying to win Sabrina back as a cover for whatever he’s doing with the Jeromes but he legitimately seems to love and miss her, and Sabrina’s going to need someone to help her pick up the pieces. It’s been a long year of hoping and dreaming for Sabrina, and once her wishes came true, everything about her and Patrick’s relationship has been a whirlwind. She hasn’t had the chance to grasp that she’s his rebound. Every time she’s started to let that truth seep into her bones, Patrick has done something to ratchet up the game. First date! First lovemaking! Let’s get married! Let’s get married next week! The speed with which Patrick has thrown himself into their relationship and marriage is the clearest sign to me that he’s in a panic, running from the realization that his grief for Robin is as fresh as it ever was. As long as Felix doesn’t make her do another modelling session to cheer her up, Sabrina will have all my sympathy once Patrick stops running. But that probably won’t happen until he barrels right into his wife in the flesh.
Which is precisely what Robert did yesterday.
I don’t know which will make me cry more, Robin with her parents or Robin with Patrick and Emma. There were a few happy tears welling in between my ones of laughter yesterday, and I think Robin with Anna and Robert is going to loose them entirely. Once she finally sees Patrick, I expect a wellspring of joy. My tear ducts are ready. Can I also say that I love that Robert and Anna used their investigative skills to get out of the cryogenics room on
Spoon Island Cassadine Island (thanks, Christopher!)?
Yes, the rest of the action happened with a lot of guns, but that’s what I love about those Scorpios. They have both smarts and skilled marksmanship. They really are the best GH family ever, especially if you throw in the Joneses, too. Though if we had Luke, Laura, Lucky, and Lulu together again, it would be a close call.
Lulu. Oh Lulu. Why must she make me feel so much when I don’t even like babies? My heart aches for the wreck I knew she would be in the midst of this custody battle. It aches for Dante who is trying so hard to be supportive while also being realistic. It aches for Maxie being denied the right to see the daughter she never thought she’d bond with. It even aches for all the grandparents saying farewell to a granddaughter they’d only started falling in love with.
Babies are not my thing. Sonny is not my thing, or at least he hasn’t been since the late 90s. But that was an adorable interaction. I may not be sentimental, but I am not a robot. If all of Sonny’s scenes were done while a baby played with his lip, I think his popularity would skyrocket again.
As suspected, Lulu is having a very difficult time giving up Connie. She’s already played hardball by bringing up Dante’s perjury on behalf of Sonny and his refusal to do so again to keep their child. I don’t think she and Dante should have kept Connie, but I can’t blame her for flinging whatever ammunition she has now that she’s lost her. And Dante is once again proving why I love good-guy characters.
Hold your wife close, my man.
He’s handling two horrible situations right now: losing his child and trying to comfort his wife who is placing all her anger and hurt directly on him. In a storyline full of fantastic acting, Dominic Zamprogna is shining. His facial expressions clearly convey someone who is grieving while also trying to be patient and strong for someone else who is losing that battle completely. It’s going to be a rough couple of months for this pairing, I’d wager.
It’s also going to be rough for both Maxie and Spinelli. I can’t imagine Maxie won’t try and sneak in to see her daughter at some point, but hopefully her parents can talk some resolve into her on that count.
At least Maxie finally has more family than Mac now that Felicia’s around to stay. She needs their support, and soon she’ll have Robin’s too. We all know Spinelli will cave if Maxie begs him to see their daughter. I hope, dream, that his newfound spine will remain strengthened and he’ll deny her to make sure one of them keeps custody of the child, but I don’t have faith in his backbone yet. Though Ellie was able to get through to him about needing to distance himself from Maxie for the case’s sake a few weeks ago. Maybe Ellie is that backbone he’s been lacking?
Now I don’t think Maxie actually deserves to be separated from her daughter, but I can’t help but take some satisfaction from the judge’s ruling, especially because he made it clear that the decision stemmed from questions about Maxie’s decision-making capabilities. I’ve watched her wreck herself and others too many times to not enjoy that comeuppance for past behavior. I know Maxie has paid for her actions before, but having her deal with more repercussions still tastes sweet. Does that make me a twisted soap viewer? Then I guess I’m a twisted soap viewer.
Lastly, AJ is finally getting his trial! How long has it been since he was arrested? Only a few months, but that’s practically an eon in soap time. I was beginning to fear he’d been put away never to come back again like Blackie Parrish. Scotty and Diane have great battling attorney chemistry, and I’m intrigued to see how the rest of the case will go. Mostly, though, I’m thrilled Monica’s been present every day at court.
I hope that means we get a lot of her in the coming weeks! I wonder if Tracy will take the stand to testify against AJ? It sounds like something she’d volunteer to do whether or not she witnessed anything at all.
Prescription for Better Soap: Keep Spinelli strong enough to keep Maxie away from seeing their daughter. It’s not that I want the separation; I just want to see a Spinelli who can resist Maxie. But don’t make her have to stay away for too long, okay? That’d just be torture of the same order that Lulu and Dante are experiencing. One pair going through that at a time is all I can handle. Stop treating Sabrina like she’s in a fairy tale. I don’t root for princesses. I root for grown, layered women and every time we get a flicker of her more combative side, I like her a million times more than I do as Patrick’s moony fiancé. No more instant granting of her wishes like happened with Juan and the dress, or you’ll be paying to fix my cracked ribs from laughing too hard.
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