By Kate Brown

I stopped caring about award show content many years ago.

(Nine years ago, to be exact. 2002. The year Jacob Young won a Daytime Emmy and Michael Caine did not win an Oscar.  Rough year, that one.)

There are so many award shows these days that sometimes it is difficult to tell them apart. The Oscars had Cirque de Soleil but then so did the Daytime Emmys.

Being an award show host is a thankless job. If you do the same schtick, people are bored. If you try something different, people are offended. Maybe SAG has the right idea in not having a host at all.

Who knows? Who cares?

I tune in for the clothes. I love fashion.  That said, I couldn’t tell you what is on trend. Or fashion-forward. Especially since “fashion forward” is often used to describe something similar to what I wore decades ago.

Just like with art, I don’t understand fashion but I do know what I like.

Angelina Jolie:

Angelina’s exposed leg usurps Brad Pitt as the night’s best accessory.

Cameron Diaz:

Cameron looks like she just rolled out of bed and into her gown. And looks gorgeous. Should hate her but I love her. Cameron always looks like she’s having fun.

Sandra Bullock:

It may be a gorgeous dress. She is a gorgeous woman. They would have looked gorgeous together if only it fit.

 Penelope Cruz:

A princess dress in a sophisticated color. Unfortunately, the hair and make-up look dowdy, not divine. Sitting here thinking about how much work it must have taken to make Penelope Cruz look dowdy.

Jessica Chastain:

Another fairy tale princess dress. This one coupled with great make-up and hair. Oscar perfection. Well, done, Ms. Chastain. (and/or her stylist)

Viola Davis:

It takes a special woman to make a fussy dress look elegant. And Viola Davis is that woman.

Melissa McCarthy:

Melissa McCarthy’s joy distracts, thankfully, from the awful dress. Energy-sucking color. Too much fabric. Frumpy design. She is a star. In the hands of a lesser actress, her Bridesmaids’ role would have been a caricature, not a character. Designers should be tripping over themselves to cloth her.

 Rose Byrne:

Everything’s working here. Great Vivienne Westwood dress. Perfect hair. A classic bob never goes out of style.

Meryl Streep:

Love her hair, and her skin, and her jewelry. The dress? Not so much. Why not? Because there is too much of it.  Wherefore art thou, Chris March?

Ronney Mara:

Her nipple awnings puzzle me.

Kate Mara:

I like off-the-shoulder necklines. Haven’t decided yet about this off-the-breast neckline.

 Shellen Woody:

And here we have breast ventilation. The girls do need to breathe, after all.

Judy Greer:

I love this but I am not sure why.

Bérénice Bejo:

Poor schmatte. Poor sad schmatte.

 Anna Stuart:

OMG! It’s Mary Greenlee Smythe!  Looking good and reminding me how much I miss AMC.

Michelle Williams:

I cannot decide if :

a)  It’s incredibly chic and fashion forward

or

b)  A Project Runway design: “In this week’s challenge, designers, we gave you 50 yards of crepe paper and a staple gun. You had 15 minutes to complete your garment. Oh, and, as always, you were told to use the PiperLime accessory wall thoughtfully.”

 And,finally,

Here’s Uggie strutting his stuff  in a Chopard choker.

Thank you, Katrina, for asking me to write this column. It’s fun being back.

(Pictures courtesy of www.nytimes.com and www.ontd.com)