by Kate Brown

For the week of June 13^th…

Saturday was an All My Children marathon here. I’ve been AMC marathon-ing more and more lately.

Why is that? It’s not because watching AMC isn’t enjoyable. It is. It’s because each episode brings me closer to September.  If I don’t watch an episode, the calendar stops. I feel less cancellation sorrow. Hey, it makes perfect sense to me. (Have I mentioned my recent move to Planet Crack?)

Enough of my crazy angst.

Last week’s notes are minimal. Yesterday was spent ambling around Pine Valley.

It was a pleasure. OK, it wasn’t all pleasurable, but I’ll get to that later.

The “I found Zach’s killer” storyline wrapped up.  Kendall should hold a seminar for the PVPD- “You, too, can catch a killer” would be a good title. Goodness knows, the PVPD needs all the help it can get. I wish that help would come from a returning Derek. But it won’t.

Kendall could really move on now. Not to another man, necessarily, but move on as a single working mother of the most adorable boys in the soap universe.

That won’t happen. Zach is on his way back. (From where, I have no clue. How about you?) Zach’s return means Kendall must fall in love with Griff right now ! This minute!  (Damn that cancellation.)

Will Zach return to find Kendall and Griff in bed?  He shouldn’t be concerned – Griff’s sweet talking will have bored Kendall to sleep.

Confession time.  I am not a big Kendall/Zach fan. He’s a bit too controlling for my taste.

Not a big Tad/Dixie fan, either. Loved them when were younger. Not so much when they grew up. Tad’s infidelities and Dixie’s constant criticism took all the fun out of that relationship for me. It probably doesn’t help that I liked Dixie and David together.

That said, I am thrilled that Dixie is back. Thrilled that Zach will soon follow.

Trust me. I was awash in truthiness while writing those sentences.

I am happy for both couples’ fans.

Every AMC character that ever existed has fans. Every couple that ever existed has fans.

In some ways bringing back beloved characters doesn’t make it easier to say goodbye. But it is comforting that both AMC history and we, the viewers, are being are being acknowledged and respected.

I do not have adequate words for thanking Agnes Nixon and Lorraine Broderick.

(The above statements have NOTHING to do with Disney/ABC. Their condescending behavior towards us tells me all I need to know about them.)

Speaking of Dixie, wouldn’t it be great if Billy Clyde was keeping his Dixie Bell alive for the past few years?

Billy Clyde is not dead. Never believed it. Never will.

What else. What else.

“According to my doctor, I’m getting younger.” We can see it, Tad, every single day. Makes me smile.

“Then give it up, lady.” I’ve wanted to give it up to David for years. Anyone else?

“My name is Ben. Gentle Ben.” What you mean, he didn’t say that?

Stone crabs are in season from October to May. This is mid-June. That’s all I’m saying. (Krystal’s crabs are always in season. Disgusting, but true.)

“Can we get ice cream?” Do these kids eat anything other than dessert? Of course they do, silly, they eat pizza, too.

“Am I turning into my mother?” Oh, Greenlee, we should be so lucky. Loved Mary and her clanking jewelry. Lousy mother. Great dresser.

Tad giving Joe’s stethoscope to Cara was almost a quicktears moment. Damn, I’m getting soft in my old age.

Ryan’s gentle talking shows no signs of stopping. What’s next, sharing his clown nose collection?

“I have feelings for your ex-wife ( who also happens to be my ex-sister-in-law).” I love soaps. Forever and ever, amen.

I love Jack/Greenlee scenes. Main reason? During their scenes, Greenlee looks awake.

When David loosened his tie, I was thisclose to fainting. Every day in every way, David gets sexier.

Any day someone punches JR is a good one. And it pains me to say that.

“We could hold a really big fund raiser.” That would be wonderful, wouldn’t it? I’d love seeing everyone bedecked and bedazzled one last time.

“I almost killed a board member or two. They get over it.” David. David. David. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Your world view fits me like a glove.

Will this week’s spoilers make us give ice cream to the writers? Or will we be giving spinach, instead? Let’s see.

 

Cara returns to PVH. She’s happy. Tad’s happy. Jake’s almost happy. Amanda isn’t happy.

But in the large scheme of things, do Amanda’s feelings count? This week’s rhetorical question.

Amanda notices the clinic is in a tent. She suspects it was designed that way to remind Jake and Cara of their time in Darfur.

Amanda’s going to worry about this. And worry about this. And then worry some more. Not saying she doesn’t have a reason to be worried because she does. However, Janet would have taken care of the situation weeks ago by torching the tent. Janet is a woman of action. (Hope she returns before September.)

Jake wants to have sex with Amanda in the tent. Amanda is suspicious about his motivation.

I know we’re supposed to see Jake as a tragic hero, sacrificing his happiness for his wife and child. Where some may see a tragic hero-I see a jackass.

 

Cara and Jake talk about their bad behavior. In public. Where anyone could overhear them.  Sure enough, someone does overhear them. It’s Amanda.

Amanda deserves better. The viewers deserve better. I hope the writers think we all deserve better, too.

Amanda decides the way to make Jake jealous is to spend the night anywhere other than home.

I have only one question-who the hell is taking care of Trevor?

Amanda and JR have a drink or twelve a Confusion.

Make sense- I’ve never seen Amanda so confused.

David suspects the Martin marriage isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and the very special Martin coffee cake.

Love David’s ability to read a room. One of the best, and perhaps only, good thing to come out of his childhood.

Bianca ends up giving the music box to JR to give to Marissa. She loves “her ex- husband’s” gift.

Please. Please. Please, Bianca, don’t martyr yourself for love. Martyring causes wrinkles.

JR wants a perfect date with Marissa. Of course, Binks helps him with the plan.

OK, Bianca, this is getting fairly ridiculous.

The date’s going well until JR puts the moves on Marissa. She backs away. She tells him she wants to move slowly. JR doesn’t believe her. He thinks she has deep feelings for Scott.

Well, of course she has deep feelings for Scott. I have deep feelings for Scott. I suspect I am not the only one.

Scott tries to support and comfort Madison after Lizzie’s baptism.

I almost typed “funeral” instead of “baptism.”  Sad, really. Wonder how many more babies will be killed off before September? (I doubt AN & LB will let that happen. Nonetheless, I have fears. Deep fears.)

Madison rejects Scott’s attentions. She screams at him to get out of her life.

Madison has to be mad at someone. Poor Scott is standing in the line of fire.

Scott worries about Madison. He worries so much that he goes to Ryan for help.

Ahhh, Scott. Daddy would be proud. Instead of focusing on your hurt, you try to get help for Madison-even if that help comes in the shape of Ryan.

Ryan’s concerned about Madison. He goes to see if he can help. Oh, and he leaves Greenlee behind.

It bothers me more and more that I like Ryan more and more.

Jane decides to buy the hospital from Greenlee. For David.

David’s fortune must be bigger than I imagined. I wonder if anything else is bigger than I imagined.

Kendall, Jackson, and Opal stage a mini-intervention with Jane.

What is Bianca? Chopped liver?

Jane insists that her fears are behind her recent odd behavior.

Fears that she really doesn’t know enough about Erica to pull off this charade.

Jack accuses David of manipulating Erica. David swears that he isn’t. It’s just that he and Erica have grown closer lately.

Here’s the thing-David isn’t lying. He’s manipulating Jane, not Erica.  It’s a situational ethics kind of thing. Sort of.

Meanwhile, back at the well-appointed dungeon, Ben tells Erica the truth about his relationship with Jane.

Even Ben, Gentle Ben, couldn’t resist a hair tossing, thigh rubbing Erica.

Ben feels he owes something to Jane. He owes her because he took away the best part of her life.

Family photo. Ben’s drunk driving killed Jane’s family. It’s the best I can come up with, how about you?

Frankie introduces Angie to Maya. Angie takes to Maya. Frankie suggests that his mother hire Maya as a baby nurse.

True, this must happen for the story to move along but I enjoy Maya working at Casa Chandler. (And it’s all about what I want.)

Opal tells Tad to pay more attention to his future and less to his past.

I can’t wait to see Opal’s giving-Tad-good-advice-about-his-life outfit.

Tad wants to look even younger than he already does. Opal helps that along by dying his hair. The result isn’t quite what either had envisioned. It’s a color not found in nature. It’s more of a ‘what-the-hell-have-you-done-to-your-hair”color.

Don’t be so upset, Tad. I am sure Ryan will lend you the perfect accessory-one of his clown noses. You’ll look smashed smashing.