For May 21^st and 23^rd….

Tea looks to Bo to find out the truth.

Oh, Tea, sweet Tea, haven’t you learned that looking to the LPD for the truth is a fool’s errand?  Soap PD’s are always the last to know the truth.

Natalie and Destiny bond over a night out at Shelter.

Lots of female bonding going on in Llanview these days. Which is a very very good thing indeed.

Jeffrey questions Matthew’s motives.

“Is it your intention to be the biggest douche in Llanview because, if so, you are rocking it.”

Clint oversteps when trying to help Viki.

Oh,dear, I suspect it’s going to be a long time before we see their wedding. And not just because we will only be seeing OLTL twice a week from now on.

Todd tries to reach out to Jack

Todd, if Jack doesn’t want any of your gifts just send them on to me, OK?  Jack really can be a little pissant, can’t he?

Dani fantasizes about what she truly wants.

She wants Matthew. We get it. I don’t know exactly why she wants him but she does.

Natalie receives a shocking phone call

“What do you mean, we’re only on twice a week now? Are you crazy?”

Spoilers courtesy of www.soaptownusa.com

By Kate Brown

For  May 20^th and 21^st….

JR holds Cara’s fate in his hands

Sounds like blackmail to me. Is JR really a changed man or is he just pretending? And what could he want from Cara?  Perhaps a chance to play doctor with her?

 Celia and Pete embark on an adventure

“Celia” and “adventure” sound like an oxymoron to me.

Brooke delivers unwanted news

I suspect JR is the recipient.  Is it that Brooke has asked Dimitri to help her run CE, not JR? What is bad news for JR is excellent news for Dimitri fans.

AJ gets a present that could change his life

His father’s Dalmier?  Cortlandt stock from his grandfather? A real kiss from Miranda?  I have no idea, how about you?

Oh, those AMC actors:

Michael Nader returns as Dimitri on June 6^th. Well, no wait, it was June 6^th when AMC was airing 4 times/week.  Which means he will be back on June….. I’m sorry, trying to figure out the new date is making my head hurt. He will definitely be back, though.

Soaps courtesy of www.soaptownusa.com

Is GH going to work out an arrangement with Bush’s Beans? My spidey senses are up about this one!

Tracy is outraged at Luke for taking advantage of her.

Did she actually think she’d be immune to his shenanigans? Come on, Tracy. You ought to know better.

Carly and Michael express their opinions of Morgan’s girlfriend.
Do they say, “Wow, she looks an awful lot like Starr Manning,”? I know why they did what they did, but it’s still hard for me to not get a little confused.

Laura and Scotty’s upcoming wedding gets some focus.
That’s nice. I’m sorry that I’m not at all invested in this. I like Scotty but I think this is really just filler story. Give me more than filler and maybe I’ll care.

Alexis lets something slip while having dinner with Shawn.
“You’re freaking hot and you should run away with Carolyn.” Thanks Alexis, your check is in the mail.

Dante and Milo have a heated argument over Lulu.
SSDD.

Kevin agrees to hypnotize Lulu with the hopes of jogging her memory.
Ain’t gonna happen. She’s got to fall in love with Dante all over again and THEN she’ll get her memory back! Like, totally magically and romantically when they kiss! Duh! Nice try though, Kevin.

Tracy gets an unexpected visit from someone who wants to make a deal.
Monty Hall?

Nik gears up to inform Liz about AJ and Carly (expect him to be interrupted before he can).
I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this. If Nik was doing this because he cares for Liz and doesn’t want her to be lied to, that’s one thing but his manipulative tactics make me like him even less than I already do. Be the man you pretend to be Nik and do things honorably.

Spinelli continues to be in the dark about the father of Maxie’s baby.
And he probably will be until it’s born and needs some special surgery and has to have the daddy’s blood or has some strange disease that is part of his medical history, too. Or maybe it’ll pop out speaking Spinelli-speak.

Lulu starts to understand what has been haunting her.
Her abduction? Pretty obvious to us.

Tracy wonders if her plan will work.
Carolyn wonders if she’ll give a crap.

Will Scott and Laura wed?
Maybe, but it will likely take until Friday, with only 30 seconds of the show left.

Lulu is caught between two worlds; she considers sharing her flashes of memory with Dante.
But probably won’t, at least for a while. If she did, the story would end quicker and we wouldn’t have the investment in the nu-Lulu we had in the original one nor would we get to see these two fall in love. Well played, writers…well played.

Maxie and Britt confide in each other about their situations.
Oh Gawd, that’s a match made in hell.

Lucy is shocked to see a face from her past.
Eenie meanie minie mo. Catch a veteran without a gig by its toe. If it makes viewers happy, don’t let it go.

Someone arrives on Sam’s doorstep.
John? Oh, wait, what’s his name again? Dr. I’m a psycho-singers older brother but could pass as his twin except for the creepy ponytail thingie? Yeah, probably it’s him.

The mystery man plots his next move.
Who? Todd? Or is he Franco? Or Jason? Nice bleached hair, by the way. Not.

Duke has inside info on the relish.
Suddenly picturing Duke to be the Bush’s Beans dog. Especially since his name is Duke and all.

For the week of May 13th…

Todd tries to convince Viki that he’s changed.

And if Viki believes him, I have some ocean front property in NM I’d like to sell her

Destiny confronts Matthew.

I think it’s about time for his life’s destiny to kick him in the ass-repeatedly.

A character must leave town.

Is the siren song of Port Charles calling to Todd?

A fight breaks out with serious consequences.

Is it a defenestration? Please let it be a defenestration! OLTL does those so well.

Cutter auditions a new singer at Shelter.

The singer is played by Jessie Malakouti.

Jenni”JWoow” Farley guests stars.

Well, that should class up the place.

Bo and Natalie search for clues to find out the truth.

Could it be the mystery of “Where in the World Is John McBain?”

More likely they’re trying to find out who is poisoning Todd. Talk about an endless list of suspects.

Matthew is found in a compromising situation.

Of course, this is not his first compromising position. Hopefully, this time he will use a condom. Just saying.

Todd tries to get everyone to believe him.

Talk about a Sisphysian task.

Tea comes to a startling realization.

“What do you mean we aren’t on TV, that we’re on the web?”

Clint talks to Viki about taking the next step.

“Well, if our Hulu ratings hold maybe a cable network will pick us up.”  In reality he likely talks to her about the wedding.

Dani is troubled by Matthew’s new friend.

I suspect it’s a friend of the female persuasion. (See above: compromising position.)

Nora bonds with Destiny.

Didn’t they already do that?

For the week of May 13th…

 David plots a reinvention.

Instead of being the evil, but sexy, Dr. David Hayward, he intends to transform into the sexy, but evil, Dr. David Hayward.

 Opal does what she does best-meddles.

Will Opal be as hard on Celia as she was on Dixie?  In order for me to care about that I’d have to care about Celia. So far, my feelings towards her are ..meh…

Who is Sinnamon?

I have no idea, but does she get teased about having sinna-buns?

Angie learns the unthinkable.

Raise your hand if you think Jesse was an ass for not immediately telling her about Cassandra’s kidnapping? How many lies does Jesse think he can get away with? About a billion is my guess.

Pete sets a sophisticated plan in motion.

He definitely is his father’s son. I wonder how Pete feels about Dobermans?

 Matthew Cowles returns as Billy Clyde Tuggle. He plays a role in the plans to rescue Cassandra.

Doing a happy happy happy dance! Billy Clyde Tuggle is at the top of my “Bring them back pleaaasse” list.  (Leo follows right behind.)

And does another one die?

Since Ryan left town, there’s really no one I want dead. How about you?

Miranda lends a hand to a friend.

I hope it’s AJ because I love their scenes.   I love them as much as AJ loves Miranda.

By Carolyn Aspenson

For the week of May 13

Michael pressures Morgan to give up his location.

Holy crap! It’s a miracle! Morgan aged and no one else did! I want whatever it is they’re having so I don’t age, too.

Liz is in shock when Nik shows up at “The Chew”.

Who cares! Did you see that sweets table she was stealing cookies from? I want to go there!

Rafe covers for TJ.

That’s nice.

Michael rushes Morgan to the hospital.

That’s nice, too. He better get a room for himself too because once his parents find out he knew where Morgan was and lied about it, he’s going to need a doctor.

Sonny attempts to get more information on Morgan.

Remember when Sonny wasn’t supposed to have anything to do with his kids? How long did that last, about ten seconds?

AJ and Tracy blame one another.

SSDD.

Tracy threatens to expose AJ if he doesn’t take responsibility for the relish debacle.

I’m starting to get a little bit tired of relish.

Olivia and Connie give Sonny some useful information.

Color safe bleach is best?  Don’t get the bacon double cheeseburger at Kelly’s?

Emma is upset to learn that Britt is still pregnant.

Really? Sorry but Emma is sort of a little snot, isn’t she?

Sabrina can’t believe that Britt approached Patrick about moving in with him.

Is there going to be a who-dun-it murder mystery storyline soon? Say, perhaps, staring Britt? Because if so, I’d be really, really happy.

Mac is hesitant about giving Luke a drink.

Wow. Remember the days when Mac had a real storyline?

Looks like Roger Howarth, Kristen Alderson, and Michael Easton start their returns as new characters this week.  

I sure hope this works.

Molly is torn between TJ and Rafe.

Yeah, so?

Rafe tells Molly he loves her, but doesn’t want to ruin their friendship.

Too late. She’s going to leave TJ for him and then they’ll try to make them the next teen super couple and they’ll break up and then reunite and break up and then she’ll date someone else, have a bunch of babies and then they’ll get back together again and then he’ll cheat on her and she’ll run away and come back looking older and different and they’ll get back together and he’ll get killed and she’ll fall in love with someone else and he’ll come back looking mysteriously different and they’ll get back together and then break up and so on and so on and so on.

TJ becomes more possessive of Molly.

Oh boy. That’s never good. Especially when she’s going to dump him for Rafe and they’re going to be the next super couple.

Molly tells TJ that she is going to the prom with Rafe.

How old am I? I think I’m 46. I’m so over giving a crap about prom stories. Give me more Mac.

Michael races to find Morgan, before it’s too late.

Actually, I don’t think it is. Mr. Morgan there had a really snotty, too good for his britches attitude.  Seems to me that ass-kicking was necessary.

Morgan plans to repay his gambling debt.

And maybe someday Carolyn will give a crap.

Felix suspects Britt is up to no good and he is determined to prove that Britt is lying about being pregnant with Patrick’s child.

Don’t bother. If Patrick isn’t smart enough to get a paternity test then he deserves to have to deal with this crap.

Luke battles his past demons.

With what? A sword? A gun? Okay. I know, not those kind of demons.

A singular event draws everyone in Port Charles together.

One singular sensation, every little step he takes…Sorry, that’s all I got.

Duke has inside info on the relish.

Did he get it from Duke, the Bush’s Beans dog? I hear that dog can’t keep a secret.

AJ decides he needs to tell Elizabeth about sleeping with Carly.

Yeah, AJ’s an idiot.

Britt asks Patrick to let her move in with him.

And so are these two.

Top 8 Most Confusing Aspects of “All or Nothing”

By Becca

Last night was the end of Glee’s season 4, although it felt like more of a midway point for a longer season. A lot happened and not enough at the same time. I’ll have plenty to say about that concept in a week or so, but for now, in no particular order, here’s a list of the biggest things that made me go hmm?

A lesbian couple gets engaged in Breadstix and … everyone applauds?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jan and Liz, the couple Kurt and Blaine talked with about how things have changed over the years for gay relationships and visibility. But I didn’t think they’d changed that much in fictional Lima, Ohio, where Blaine had the crap beat out of him a few years ago for bringing a date to Sadie Hawkins, Kurt was bullied relentlessly and crowned prom queen for being gay two years ago, and Karofsky tried to commit suicide after his teammates harassed him for being gay last year. So the whole restaurant cheering on Jan and Liz’s engagement struck me as odd. Maybe even bigots can’t withstand the charms of Patty Duke and Meredith Baxter. Actually, that’s pretty plausible.

The New Directions don’t have enough performers for Regionals and … no one cares?

I’m pretty sure a great deal of seasons 1 and 2 were spent worrying about having enough members on the team to qualify for competitions—that was the whole purpose of Puck and Zizes’s relationship—but both Ryder and Brittany refused to perform in this episode and the gang seemed rather nonplussed about it. Ryder and Brittany didn’t return until the other groups were performing during the competition, yet I saw no indication the new Directions feared disqualification. Do the battle-scarred seniors know that dramatic storm-outs never stick so they don’t even register them anymore?

The portal between NYC and Lima is called … the Lima Express?

Brittany finally gave us a name for the high-speed transportation that whips characters from New York City to Lima and back again in record time, Santana taking it this episode to answer Sam’s Britt signal. I remain unconvinced a train could be that fast no matter its engine, so portals are the only obvious explanation. Plus, a train ticket would cost a lot more than simply stepping into a wormhole.

The Lima Express … has multiple exits inside the choir room?

Look at those two pictures. The first is right as Emma walks down the aisle. The second is right after she reaches Will. Now marvel at how everyone’s placements shifted without us seeing anyone move but Sam and Joe. The only possible explanation is that the Lima Express portal has multiple exits in the McKinley choir room, and the kids can shift through them at will. It’s absolutely not that I pay too close of attention to where Blaine and Kurt are standing at any given time.

Blaine treats the right to marriage more like a command to marry … and no one points out that he’s falsely conflating the two?

Yes, Burt absolutely pointed out the difference between being able to marry and actually getting married last week, but he’s the only one who has. And Jan, the jewelry seller, actively encouraged Blaine to ignore people telling him not to marry Kurt, explaining that refusing to listen is what’s brought marriage equality rights to where they are today. Does Jan not see the difference between Blaine being able to get married and actually going through with it at this time in his life? Maybe Jan just knows a good mark when she sees one. Blaine bought a ring, after all.

The new winning show choir choreography is … to strut around and pose?

To be fair, there were a few twirls as well, but I don’t think the New Directions displayed any actual dancing. They crossed the stage multiple times and stuck their hands out, channeling diva week as much as possible.  I guess all those episode-ending numbers of bopping around aimlessly on stage came in handy. I pity the Hoosier Daddies for thinking good choreography would get them the win.

Finn plans to get course credit for helping train the New Directions … and is never seen again?

Yes, I know Cory Monteith was in rehab and couldn’t complete filming on the last few episodes of the season. That’s fine, excellent actually, because it means the actor was smart enough to get himself help. But why was there no mention of Finn again the entire season? A “Tina has the Asian bird flu” type of explanation would have been fine. Instead, he simply ceased to exist. Maybe he’s lost in the system of portals in the choir room.

Rachel auditions for Funny Girl … and is never seen again?

Well, in this episode, she was never seen again. This is less of a confusing point about the plot line and more about why on earth the show runners would bury her audition at the beginning of the episode and not remind us of it at the end to build up cliffhanger tension. Failing to build up tension will get a lot of focus when I break down the episode’s plot more in the next column.

You’ll notice that none of those confusing aspects I highlighted involved Brittany’s early admission to MIT. I had to suspend my disbelief just to type that sentence, but honestly? I loved it. It was a great way to send off a character that’s always shown secret smarts in the midst of her non sequitur existence. I’m sure I’ll praise that choice and nearly everything about Brittany’s exit in the next Glee-Full Gab. See you then!

Becca

My romance novella, Maya’s Vacation, is available for purchase at Astraea Press,  Amazon, and Barnes and Nobles. Follow me on Twitter @thegourmez or on Facebook.

 By Kate Brown

  Soap Opera Network announces that the incomparable Matthew Cowles returns  as Billy Clyde Tuggle on May 16th.

http://www.soapoperanetwork.com/2013/05/matthew-cowles-brings-billy-clyde-tuggle-back-to-all-my-children

I am beyond over the moon-I am doing a happy dance while flying over the moon!

By Becca

Ellie has joined with Maxie in plotting to keep the baby’s true parents secret. Along the way, she broke into Maxie’s medical record and grossly violated HIPAA procedures, couldn’t keep her nose out of other people’s business, and decided to lie to her boyfriend over something she knows he wants dearly. And yet I still don’t hate her.

I think what I feel toward Ellie is closer to pity. That fantasy of hers was a doozy, and the sad part is I thought it was real until Dante and Lulu burst through the door.

Lulu’s lack of amnesia woke me up.

I was repulsed by how quickly Spinelli tossed Ellie aside after finding out the baby was his and by his lack of anger for Maxie. He was just joyful over raising a child together.

I thought it entirely believable for his character to react that way, which says a lot about how much of a doormat Spinelli’s been over the years and about the weakness of his relationship with Ellie. That it was all a dream means he will likely react differently when he does find out, and I’m excited for that. It will mean the character has grown as a person, become more confident and resolute. Frankly, I think his relationship with Ellie deserves some credit for that character growth, but I want righteous anger on Spinelli’s part for both her and Maxie. By choosing fear over truth, Ellie only prolonged a relationship that’s already dead in the water. I want Spinelli to jump both sinking ships and find a new one. But not the SS Lauren Franco, please. He can keep swimming right past her. We never have to mention that particular lost Quartermaine again.

My fear that Lulu’s amnesia story would fly as fast as her rescue from the Cassadine Island appears to be unfounded. Instead, it’s dragging slower than a dead Zacchara in a wheelbarrow. That’s what happens when you stick a recast character in scenes with a secondary one for most of her first week in Port Charles.

Um, what? Am I supposed to have bought a build-up of sexual tension between them? Even the later scene with moans and groans while Lulu gave Milo a massage did not sell me on that. She should be too traumatized to flirt with Milo. What happened to her upset at being taken from her “husband” Stavros? Lulu accepted that change of situation easily, barely mentions him at all, so she must trust her family yet she’s mostly unwilling to take that next step of trying to remember, even suppresses it when she does.

Not a bad memory to remember, eh?

I don’t know what to think of her. I think Emme Rylan is probably doing a good job, and I like when she’s shown sass in flashbacks, but I can’t tell for sure because all her time has been with Milo. I’m not invested in Sonny’s body guards. I learned that lesson when they killed off Johnny.

I also don’t know what to think of Luke and Laura’s goodbye to each other romantically. There was much to like about it, much that felt organic for a couple that’s spent many years apart but will always be connected.

Their conclusion was apt, however. Luke and Laura don’t match any longer, and that felt real and true to me. But my reactions are mixed because the Luke who did match with Laura is the Luke I feel belongs on this show. I loved how Luke lit up remembering Lucky’s ratty old sweater. It did more than act as a metaphor, it reminded me of the Luke who was so much happier when he was a family man and more engaging to watch as well. A decade of doom-and-gloom Luke has turned me off to the character, with the exception of parts of his and Tracy’s marriage, and I just don’t see myself enjoying him without that spark. Laura, I think, still has hers in spades.

Finally,

Lucy’s hot, y’all. She looked amazing in that dress! Can we keep her just as a fashion plate?

Prescription for Better Soap: Make sure Spinelli gets to react as any normal human would when he finds out the truth about his and Maxie’s baby—with anger and an unwillingness to just roll over and be whatever Maxie needs. Find a way to keep Ellie engaging despite her recent transgressions; don’t dwell on how pathetically she views her own relationship or she’ll become Doormat 2.0.  Let Lulu out to play with more characters than Milo, and let us in on how she’s moved past Stavros so easily. And guide Luke and Laura into a supportive friendship, but also find a way for him to reclaim the joy his family used to bring to his life.

See you soon for my next prescription! Those blazing Nik/Liz/AJ/Carly liplocks and the teen triangle are on the agenda.

Becca

Buy my romance novella, Maya’s Vacation, at Astraea Press,  Amazon, or Barnes and Nobles. Follow me on Twitter @thegourmez or on Facebook at my author page!